I find myself with a few free minutes, and I thought it was time to start a "Presidential Candidate Vocabulary List/Clinton/Obama/McCain."
Today, we'll start on the Clinton list. Please remember these words may be on this SAT and/or the ACT college entrance exams:
(1) "Is": no definition is available due to the current use of the word;
(2) "Sex": no definition available due to the current use of the word. But, every effort is being made to determine the modern definition of this word. Additionally, the committee directs all persons engaging in the activity formally
known as sex to just say no and stop immediately. As soon as we determine the new proper word for this activity, we will release the new word for common usage;
(3) "Sniper Fire": Until recently, this term described gun fire from people using high powered rifles, usually but not exclusively with rifle scopes, with the purported purpose of
placing one rifle bullet into a single target;
(4) "Snipe": a small bird living in England and else where; to snipe: either to take verbal pot shots at another or to fire a high powered rifle at another with the intent to scare the
hell out of them or kill/wound them;
(5) "Sniper": Until recently a person using stealth, terrain and extensive training in rifle shooting accuracy and a high powered rifle to place an aimed rifle shot into a target. More recently the definition of this word has been clouded by the presence of an eight year old Bosnian girl carrying flowers. The committee has interviewed this now young adult and plans to further revise the definition of this word and its permitted uses. Therefore, all people currently employed as snipers must cease and desist any sniping activity until such time as the committee can determine the proper word for their particular activity;
(6) "Misspoke": see "1" above; past usage: to incorrectly speak, whether through the misuse of another word, faulty thought process(es), or stupidity;
(7) "Lie": The vocabulary committee has voted to remove this word from general usage due to its defective design and concomittant liability issues. Please be advised that the Americal Trial Lawyers Association is currently suing
the committee and is seeking an injunction against it decision to remove this word from common usage;
(8) "Presidential Pardon": Hand delivered envelopes;
(9) "3 am": 3 hours after midnight; 0300 hours (military time or time on a 24 hour clock); apparently a really bad time to get a telephone call; may or may not refer to a caller trying to reach a young girl asleep in her bed.
(10) "Judas": a turn coat, rat, dishonest person. Typically paid 30 pieces of something. Historically, the guy who gave Jesus up to the Romans; one half of Judas Priest but no apparent relationship to the original Judas; a democratic operative who picked the other team; example of Carville losing his temper;
(11) "Monster": Hillary Clinton; anything in the closet of a small child, anything under the bed of a small child;
(12) "Illegal Immigrants": political votes (DNC); cheap labor (GOP); insurance claimants (AMA); plaintiffs (ATLA); tenants (Landlords); day laborers (cheap homeowners/contractors/small business owners);
(13) "Experience": Subject to multiple definitions. The committee suggests that the user decide for himself/herself how best to use this word. Currently, it has become permissible to describe one's "experience" through the
extensive use of another person's prior acts/actions. Please free to expand on puffery (such as what you did to your last resume). Outright fabrication is frowned upon, but may be used in broad brush strokes so long as the user'sgrammar and syntax are correct. Sniping is also permitted in humorous settings; see the rules for the use of "regardless" and "irregardless."
wmjhamilton@gmail.com Send your comments or suggestions for more vocabulary to Bill! -- William J. Hamilton Attorney at Law 26 Pershing Avenue Ossining, New York 10562
Obama Vocabulary
Hilly-Speak
3/26/2008 VOCABULARY II
Today's vocabulary list is partially derived from Sen. Obama's campaign.
(1) "Passport": obsolete definition: official document permitting US citizens to leave and re-enter the US. New definition: source of personal data for federal employees to mine and sell. Not to be confused with the motor vehicle produced and sold by Honda.
(2) "Judas": See Vocabulary I. Also added: Best Friends Forever.
(3) "Super Delegates": Really expensive dates,who don't return phone calls. Also, Democratic Party Officials who will decide the winner of the DNC's version of American Idol. The committee also notes that this term does not refer to any known musical group, and has no relationship to the band Super Tramp. The committee also does not reach the conclusion whether some or all of the Super Delegates may be Tramps, or that some or all of the members of the band Super Tramp may be Super Delegates. The committee acknowledges that collectively it has no ability to safely and/or properly use a Venn Diagram. If the user is concerned regarding this issue and the proper use of the term Super Delegate(s), then choose another small descriptive word to do so.
(4) "10,000": The number of people in Kansas who did not die during a tornado. Also, just a number, or an amount.
(5) "Cynicism": The other, other terrorism. The committee could not determine whether "Cynicism" is in fact accurately defined as described. Several committee members noted that terrorist organizations must have members who form a defined group. Here, the committee struggled with whether this terrorist group is half full or half formed (empty). The committee has decided to defer a final determination on this definition until such time as the committee can shut up long enough to determine the committee's perspective, and render a viable definition. One committee member noted, just before lunch, that if a Cynic is a terrorist, and he or she casts an aspersion, is that in fact a terrorist act? Which, of course, led another committee member to note that the early religious use of the word meant to shed Christ's blood. Which, of course, delayed lunch to an unreasonable hour, and also raised the now undeniable and very unfortunate underlying religious sub theme. In any event, please refrain from using this word in the context of terrorism until the new definition is approved, and, thereby avoiding a verbal jihad.
(6) "Hope": Change; alternate definition: I hope you vote for me.
(7) "Change": Hope; alternate definition: I hope you change your vote to me.
(8) "Sermon": The committee notes that the pervasive use of this word would include a reference to a religious service, or perhaps a religious meeting wherein at least one person tells everybody what's up, wrong, immoral, good, bad, evil and, may or may not speak the alternative message involving fire and brimstone. However, recent usage of this word requires that following meaning be adopted for immediate use: a religious meeting or gathering wherein at least one person fails to hear any part, or all of the speaker's message, including, but not limited to the damning of an entire nation. The committee acknowledges that there may be nations that really need to be damned, however, the new definition only touches upon the listener's inability to hear.
(9) "God Damn America": Apparently a negative statement about America. Old common usage: what Christopher Columbus said when he arrived (although, his statement would have looked like this: "God damn! America!) Also, see 8 above, as an example of what the listener will say, has said, he or she or they did not hear in a Sermon.
(10) "Monster": See Vocabulary I. Alternate definitions: used in place of the following statement "I went to an Ivy League College, but I must quit my position, with no notice, because I can not get my foot out of my mouth." or, "Please fire me." or, a verbal warning that a monster is present in close proximity to the speaker and listener.
-- William J. Hamilton wmjhamilton@gmail.com Attorney at Law 26 Pershing Avenue Ossining, New York 10562
"Yul donn't like my SPEEK?!"
3/27/08 VOCABULARY III
Ready for McCain?
The committee has completed the third installment of its political vocabulary list, and reminds readers that the following words may be on the SAT and ACT exams.
(1) "100 Years": past usage, a description of a period of time. Also known as a "Century" in real time, comprising 10 decades, or 100 individual years, or 1200 months. New usage: short hand for a national foreign affairs policy. Not to be confused with the 100 Years War. Alternate definition: new term for all of the re-negotiated sub primes mortgages at 1.1%.
(2) "Sunni": past usage, a Muslim religious sect. New usage: Shiite.
(3) "Shiite": past usage, the other Muslim religious sect. New usage: Sunni. Alternate definition: statement made by a person or by persons placed under arrest and being informed of the charges against him, her or them.
(4) "Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb Iran": past usage, unknown. Although the committee does believe that this phrase may have its roots in a Beach Boy Tune titled "Barbara Ann." There is no information supporting the
conclusion that a person named Barbara Ann is planning to bomb Iran, or has not in fact done so. New usage: believed to be an effort to reduce national foreign affairs policies to musical jingles in order to market unpopular
policies. Alternate definition: unlawful disclosure of a planned military operation in which the speaker is giving detail information regarding either the number of times Iran will be bombed, or the number of bombs that will be dropped on Iran.
(5) "Holy Shiite!": origin unknown, definition unclear. Attributed to Danish cartoonists at last year's Christmas Party. What a criminal defendant says when informed that the charges against him have been changed from
misdemeanors to felonies.
(6) "Immigration Policy": origin unclear, definition unclear. Alternate definition is also unclear. The committee notes that this phrase has been seen in sentences and paragraphs with the following words: legalization, fences, work visas, amnesty and path to. However, the committee can not, with the information now available, determine the actual or intended meaning of this phrase. Until such time as this phrase is properly defined, the committee urges all users to place other words between these two words. For example: Immigration Fencing Policy, Immigration Amnesty Policy, Immigration Work Visa Policy. Or, the term should not be used in any context due to its over emotional impact, and its vexatious ability to confuse listeners. See "Sermon" in Vocabulary II.
-- William J. Hamilton wmjhamilton@gmail.com Attorney at Law 26 Pershing Avenue Ossining, New York 10562
“History does not entrust the care of freedom to the weak or timid.”~Dwight D. Eisenhower Copyright 2007-2008TALK CITIZEN ™ is a trademark of LobaTek Incorporated
